Billions and Billions Mourn Heroic Ronald McDonald

Oak Park, Illinois (February 14): The World Headquarters of McDonalds, Inc. has been deluged with flowers and condolences following the heroic death of the company's iconic mascot in Lahore, Pakistan. Mr. McDonald is credited with saving the lives of dozens of Pakistanis by throwing himself onto a bomb just before it exploded. Mr. McDonald's shocking death was captured by a nearby photographer just as the bomb exploded.


Ronald McDonald's heroic death.

Mr. McDonald was on the street in front of a Lahore McDonalds franchise after the store had been sacked by a peaceful crowd of activists protesting the franchise's use of the name of their prophet to sell fast food. This turned out later to be a mispronunciation, according to one activist: "McDonalds, Mohammed's - they sound much the same with an accent, you know."

Mary Dillon, Executive Vice President and Global Chief Marketing Officer of McDonalds Corporation, said that McDonalds employees everywhere are overwhelmed by the outpouring of emotion that has followed the death of the iconic red-haired mascot. "Vladimir Putin just called. Kofi Annan was in tears. Our phones haven't stopped ringing. Ronald touched something deep in the human spirit, and his heroism is a distillation of the sacrifice our employees make every day to have your McMuffins ready when you drive up at 6:00 a.m."

Parvez Musharraf, the President of Pakistan, postumously awarded Mr. McDonald the Sash of Righteous Rage, his country's highest civilian honor. President Bush will speak at the memorial service Thursday in Washington's National Cathedral, and Vice-President Cheney will participate in a 21-pellet salute at an undisclosed location.

(Thanks to MM).