Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Billions and Billions Mourn Heroic Ronald McDonald

Oak Park, Illinois (February 14): The World Headquarters of McDonalds, Inc. has been deluged with flowers and condolences following the heroic death of the company's iconic mascot in Lahore, Pakistan. Mr. McDonald is credited with saving the lives of dozens of Pakistanis by throwing himself onto a bomb just before it exploded. Mr. McDonald's shocking death was captured by a nearby photographer just as the bomb exploded.

Ronald McDonald's heroic death.

Mr. McDonald was on the street in front of a Lahore McDonalds franchise after the store had been sacked by a peaceful crowd of activists protesting the franchise's use of the name of their prophet to sell fast food. This turned out later to be a mispronunciation, according to one activist: "McDonalds, Mohammed's - they sound much the same with an accent, you know."

Mary Dillon, Executive Vice President and Global Chief Marketing Officer of McDonalds Corporation, said that McDonalds employees everywhere are overwhelmed by the outpouring of emotion that has followed the death of the iconic red-haired mascot. "Vladimir Putin just called. Kofi Annan was in tears. Our phones haven't stopped ringing. Ronald touched something deep in the human spirit, and his heroism is a distillation of the sacrifice our employees make every day to have your McMuffins ready when you drive up at 6:00 a.m."

Parvez Musharraf, the President of Pakistan, postumously awarded Mr. McDonald the Sash of Righteous Rage, his country's highest civilian honor. President Bush will speak at the memorial service Thursday in Washington's National Cathedral, and Vice-President Cheney will participate in a 21-pellet salute at an undisclosed location.

(Thanks to MM).


Anonymous said...

Heh. Here's my take on the same picture.

Roger Alford said...

As you can read here, I gather the protest against McDonalds has something to do with them serving cheese Danishes.

Californio said...

That will teach you, Great Satan! Now you know not to mess with our Lions of Islam! Besides, it is easier to attack an unarmed fiberglass icon than, you know, a trained soldier with a gun. Or even an unarmed little girl, or civilians on an airliner, or civilians provocatively "riding on a bus" - they cannot fool us!! We are glad we are muy macho!

alternate caption:
"Muslim crowd reacts with fury to clown offering inexpensive food that is sanitary, fast and will not spread Cholera." The crowd was heard to chant "Death to the Great Satan, spreading horrors like "medicine" and "books" filled with "writing".!!"

mishu said...

I like the guy mugging for the camera with pride at what was done. I wonder if he'll show his mother the photo.